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Question about my essay, please review and answer

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Question about my essay, please review and answer [#permalink] New post 22 Aug 2017, 08:59
I have a question about my essay, I know that is strongly advised to not take both sides. However, I thought in this certain instance that it would be okay due to the instructions and the way I structured and wrote my thesis and essay. Please let me know if this was a bad idea.

prompt and instructions:

Some people argue that successful leaders in government, industry, or other fields must be highly competitive. Other people claim that in order to be successful, a leader must be willing and able to cooperate with others.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

my essay:

Leadership is a widely investigated topic due to its high demand in the work force. Some people may suggest that successful leaders are the ones that are highly competitive, while others may think that their cooperative interpersonal skills are more important. The measure of a leader is has a variety of factors and not one factor is significantly more important. In fact, it could be argued that both competitiveness and cooperation are equally important.

Competitive nature of successful individuals is vital to reaching high up positions of leadership in any area of work. This is due to the fact that the top hierarchal positions are limited in availability. When a position becomes more scarce the demand decreases. Therefore, to obtain these types of position one must be highly qualified relative to their colleagues. This relative comparison makes competition an important factor to success. For example, college education in the recent years has become more attainable. This is impart due to the financial assistance provided. Now that cost has become less a factor, the amount of bachelor degree holding workers are highly common. This has resulted in companies raising their bar because the applicant pool has grown but their demand has stayed the same. So the companies how need to look at additional factors such specific achievements and interpersonal relationship skills. In doing so, companies have reinforced competition between individuals and it has become a strong component of successfully reaching top tier jobs, and ultimately leadership positions.

It is important to note in this example, organizations are focusing more and more on interpersonal relationship skills, such as ability to cooperate with other people. This is due to the advancement in knowledge, specifically technology. Since technology we have seen globalization of the work force. More ideas are being shared, which has led companies to implementing services that require a more holistic specialized knowledge. This means that more and more companies are asking people to work in teams to achieve goals. This increase in team work has led for the demand of individuals who are cooperative with individuals from other disciplines. Increasingly these top tier positions are only reached by displaying the ability to cooperate.

Therefore in conclusion, to reach these great leader position you cannot have one without the other, that being competition and cooperation. The competitive spirit is needed to emerge out of the applicant pool to obtain the position and a cooperative spirit is needed to be successful in the leadership position once it is held. The example in the private sector can be seen in many other fields, such as the public sector, academia, and even non profit. Every field requires a competitive spirit and a cooperative nature.
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Re: Question about my essay, please review and answer [#permalink] New post 26 Aug 2017, 00:53
Expert's post
It is good but not well balanced. Moreover, I do no know why almost every student tends to write the 1st paragraph long and then sloping in a shiort essay until the conclusion.

See my guide for ereference


Hope this helps

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Re: Question about my essay, please review and answer   [#permalink] 26 Aug 2017, 00:53
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