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Please review my first GRE Essay?

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Please review my first GRE Essay? [#permalink] New post 26 Oct 2017, 08:55
This is my first time writing an practice essay, how would you rate it? Thank you!

People who are the most deeply committed to an idea or policy are also the most critical of it.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


In our generation, it is common for the vocalization and support for ideas and policies, in which individuals will full-heartedly commit themselves to the idea or policy. However, this commitment does not involve being the most critical of the idea or policy, as supporters blindly follow the idea they believe is the free from flaws.

Commitment requires an abundance of resources including time, energy, and sometimes even money. An individual will only commit themselves to an idea or policy when they completely support it, as it would require an expanse of effort to commit to an idea that is an individual does not fully believe in. To illustrate, during elections individuals that take the time to convince other to vote for a specific policy would not believe that the policy is fallable; instead, they view the policy they support as error-free. For this reason, supporters are unable to critic an idea or policy they are deeply committed in as they view the policy free of any errors.

Some may argue that people who are deeply committed to an idea are the most critical of it because they want to ensure their ideas succeed. On the other hand, although the supporter would want their idea to succeed, the deep commitment that they have poured in results in a biased view, preventing them from fully critiquing the idea. An outsider who does not harbor strong feelings can critic the policy as they can unbiasedly look at the strengths and weaknesses due to the lack of investment into that policy which would otherwise distort their view. This is regularly illustrated in debates, where supporters for a topic fully fight for an idea, shooting down any critics of downfalls of it.

People who fully commit themselves to supporting an idea or policy lack capabilities of critiquing it. It is in humans’ nature to harbor strong feelings towards ideas they have spent time and energy supporting. These strong feelings prevent a full critic of the policy, which can only be achieved through an outsider’s view.
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Re: Please review my first GRE Essay? [#permalink] New post 13 Nov 2017, 03:43
Expert's post
Hi and sorry for late response.

Your awa is too short and it lacks examples to show your reasoning.

See here for improvements greprepclub-guide-to-awa-the-clear-cut-3426.html

regards
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Re: Please review my first GRE Essay?   [#permalink] 13 Nov 2017, 03:43
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