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Please review/grade my essay :) Thanks

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Please review/grade my essay :) Thanks [#permalink] New post 30 Aug 2018, 06:13
Task: The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

My response:
In the contemporary world, people live their lives with many facets convenience and luxuries. The invention of auto-driven cars substantially decreased the need for people to always focus tirelessly. Wireless wifi introduced people into a high speed surfing world where with one click, people can see all over the world. Online shopping is so great that people do not even have to go out physically to shop, as long as you have internet and a electronic device, all online stores are welcoming you. A world so convenient like this, one might think people would lose their ability to think or act on their own. However, exactly because the convenience increments daily, with undeveloped applications and potential hazards, people do not start to be dependent and enjoy what there is.
The auto-driven car, as mentioned above, was first brought to the world by Tesla, who promotes electronic vehicles as an unconventional way to be innovative and more importantly, environmental-friendly. Tesla have been developing a function of theirs cars that can change lanes automatically without human’s supervision. Amazing right? A lot of people though so and purchased the magical self-driven car and could not wait to see the new function. As a matter of fact, a lot of them reported that when the car tried to change lane creating dangerous aftermath. Then, Tesla admitted that the technique was not yet “mature”. More time and fund should be imposed on the development on this highly advanced function.
I bet modern people can not resist the temptation to check their phones every now and then because why not? Free high speed Wifi is everywhere! However, every coin has two sides. As the internet becomes widely used on a daily basis, the privacy and security of users are under threat. The great amount of information exchanged, profiles shared, and searching tracks recorded is reason why some ill-willed people are able to take their invisible weapon and harm people. To protect themselves, people have been figuring out the best way to prevent these hackers and keep the internet environment “green”. These people are trained and ready to defend for a better internet world.
Indeed, people rely on the convenience the internet brings to life. According to some surveys, more people prefer online shopping to physical shopping nowadays. Online shopping is so convenient that you do not even have to move to browse all the clothes, try on shoes, and run to the checkout counter to buy them. All you do is some clicks and a credit card ready. And yet, among all the people who like online shopping, more people return their online purchases than those who don’t. This is understandable because something’s picture on the internet can be too good to be true. After a few failures and facing the reality, people start to think and decide for themselves that whether this online purchase is rational.
In conclusion, people think before they do. Although the luxuries and conveniences have made their lives easier and more enjoyable, they still have to make decisions regarding the better good.
Please review/grade my essay :) Thanks   [#permalink] 30 Aug 2018, 06:13
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