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Please rate my argument topic.

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Manager
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Please rate my argument topic. [#permalink] New post 14 Dec 2018, 11:24
The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort (redundant) to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Essay:

In recommendation send from vice president of human resource at the company Climpson, it is stated that human resource concluded to install the software to detect the uses of (the ) internet to prevent employees from diverting their mind from their work to improve their performance and productivity which results in overall profit to company Climpson. This conclusion is based on the issues that the employees are keen to use internet all the time in working hours and internet uses are hampering employees's (employees') performance at a higher level due to this the company's progress is diminishing. However, before this recommendation can be properly evaluated, below questions must be answered.

First of all, does (do) all employees are using an (The) internet for recreational purpose? In other words, does all employees using an internet for office work? Perhaps, it is possible that the employees are using internet sites for work related purpose (i.e to get valuable information which will help them to increase the knowledge and progress further). It is possible that not all employees are using recreational sites during working hours. They might be using during breaks or after the office hours. The employees might be aware of their responsibility and following it. If either of these scenarios has merit, then authors original argument is significantly weakened.

Secondly, is the employee's performance is the only reason for company's progress? Perhaps, the possibility of the reasons like lack of knowledge and outdated technology etc are also the primary reasons to company's loss. Moreover, it is possible that the competitor companies might be using the advanced technology with proper training to their employees which can be also the reason to the company Climpson's loss. If above is true, then the authors argument does not hold water.
In addition to this, the author assumes that the employees in Climpson is not progressing as expected. The author fails to understand that the restriction is not the solution for this issue. In order to improve performance, the company need to take the stand to encourage and motivate to employees for their responsibility (responsibilitiesies ). The author ignores the possibility that, the employees can use their mobile phones for recreational activities. In this case, the company can not measure the time spend on internet for personal activities like online banking, shopping, social networking sites. If the author assumes that internet is the only reason for hampering employee's productivity then the author's argument, installing devices to detect internet sites does not make sense.

In conclusion, the argument as it stand now, is considerably flawed due to its reliance on several unwanted assumptions. If the author is able to answer the questions above and offers more evidence, then it will be possible to fully evaluate the visibility (of) the proposed recommendation. Without additional information, there isn't much reason to accept the conclusion to install the internet detection software to increase employee's progress in company.
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Re: Please rate my argument topic. [#permalink] New post 17 Dec 2018, 12:41
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The essay is good. However, I pointed out several mistakes in style/grammar and lot of words are repeated.

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Manager
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Re: Please rate my argument topic. [#permalink] New post 17 Dec 2018, 12:49
Thanks for your feedback. I'll work on it.
Re: Please rate my argument topic.   [#permalink] 17 Dec 2018, 12:49
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Please rate my argument topic.

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