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Kindly review my essay: Educational institutions Responsible

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Kindly review my essay: Educational institutions Responsible [#permalink] New post 28 Jul 2018, 00:13
Prompt: Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers

In contemporary world, there is an emerging concern about the role of educational system in student’s orientation. Some claim that university and college should galvanize students to choose well-paid jobs, while others maintain that the job decision should be made by students. In my opinion, I am for the latter.

First and foremost, career selection should be made by students, since each individual has their own ardor and talent in some subjects. For example, students who are good at mathematics, science and logical reasoning would feel daunting when they are forced to learn literature by heart. By contrast, some with talent at Humanity may find solving differential equations undoable.  Therefore, educational institutions should not encourage students to choose lucrative jobs, but discovering their potential and supporting them to pursue their dreams in stead. It is undoubtable that if one loves and devotes their time for a particular job, they are not only able to earn a great salary from this job, but they also will find the job satisfaction. The globe have seen many people changing the world without university’s orientations. Take one of the “Tech-titans” - Elon Musk as an example, he started everything from scratch, and now he is changing the world with many groundbreaking progressions in Astronomy. That is the evidence for the fact that one can success in any field if and only if their love what they do.

Another reason to against this policy is that the definition of “lucrative careers” are change unexpectedly, relying on the demand of the society. The higher number of workers in a specific fields, the lesser demand from society, therefore when educational institutions orient students to choose a particular jobs, the society would be inundated with an abundant workforce which breeds an serious imbalance, and thus that job will no longer a lucrative job. Additionally, some auspicious careers such as actuary or doctor require a great deal of effort and money, and thus, students not only dedicate completely to the career progression but also possess a great financial background. Hence, if universities just show the students the salary level they can get after graduating without the difficulties in the fields, students may be blinkered and squander a precious time in university.

By and large, students should make their own decision for their own career. Besides, the role of educational institutions is to discover student’s potential as well as support them to achieve their dreams in stead of encourage them to pursue well-paid careers.
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Re: Kindly review my essay: Educational institutions Responsible [#permalink] New post 02 Aug 2018, 14:34
Expert's post
As a starting point, your writing is not that bad, even though it lacks of punctuation here and there and the essay should be more stretched and longer.

See here for reference https://greprepclub.com/forum/greprepcl ... -3426.html

Hope this helps.

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Re: Kindly review my essay: Educational institutions Responsible   [#permalink] 02 Aug 2018, 14:34
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