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Can anyone review my essay and provide me feedback.

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Intern
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Can anyone review my essay and provide me feedback. [#permalink] New post 13 Nov 2017, 04:32
Issue Task :

As People Rely More And More On Technology To Solve Problems, The Ability Of Human To Think For Themselves Will Surely Deteriorate.


Discuss The Extent To Which You Agree Or Disagree With The Statement And Explain Your Reasoning For The Position You Take.


Technology era is mostly changing how the world was in past decade to how the world is at present.Mostly it is common to end with this statements while people or community are talking about technology.In recent studies, many doctors have an evidence that children psyche will be affected by technology since they are attracted towards technology which kills their ability to think.However, with the phase at which world is growing with the help of technology one needs be updated with new technology in order to grow in life since technology eases the way how we can access many things in the world.

Admittedly, The increase of technology not only kills creativity but also makes people physically unstable - The ability to talk with an open heart in front of others will diminish.In fact, people tend to struggle to write a letter on a piece of paper, which are true signs of deteriorated thinking ability.However, even there are few issues with the increase in technology, with improved technology and it's use cases it is making its negative statements look very minute.

In brief,some might say technology is actually helping to improve thinking ability by provide various streams to dive via internet for example 9 years student developing IBM Watson app which can be used by millions of people and there are few students who started their startup based on human's walking ability these example's help's us to understand that technology and thinking ability are not inversely proportional. With today's technology like AI and machine learning are helping human beings to prevent cancer in its early stage where technology is not diminishing people thinking power it is rather helping human's thinking ability to prevent cancer.However,CEO of Infosys had his point of you that - "there is no invention in past 20 years which humans use daily, all the device's which are invented before 20 years are being used by humans daily", This statement is clear example that technology is not one-sided it is a coin with is negatives and positives.

Examining all the various angles and factors of how thinking ability and technology related we can say that for most of the cases like education, health, inventions technology is playing a positive role but when it comes to creativity and thinking an ability like calculations, memory recalling technology surely affect.
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Re: Can anyone review my essay and provide me feedback. [#permalink] New post 14 Nov 2017, 07:15
Expert's post
Hi,

your awa is too short. In the first paragraph is not addressed very well your reasons with examples.

Moreover, it should be longer.

See here for reference. greprepclub-guide-to-awa-the-clear-cut-3426.html

regards
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Re: Can anyone review my essay and provide me feedback.   [#permalink] 14 Nov 2017, 07:15
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Can anyone review my essay and provide me feedback.

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